You told me that you would look here from time to time still,
although, I’m not sure how valid that is anymore.
I will remain to respect your wishes the best I can,
since I did not before.
At this point, a “reason” for why it happened is futile.
I’ve come to see that it happened, and no “reason” will change the fact that it did.
I have to live with my choice I made then,
mentally there or not at the time,
and move forward as well.
I need to be a better person and grow.
I cannot take it back;
but believe me, how I wish I could.
I can only hope that you will understand I have made my mess,
I have made a mistake,
I have hurt you more than any of us could imagine;
but I will be a better person from it.
I can either live in regret and continue to hate myself and never progress,
act like it never happened (I couldn’t ever though),
or acknowledge my damage and not let it happen again.
As for you,
I wish you wealth - eternal internal happiness.
I wish you to get better,
I think about you every day still,
and care about you.
I am hated by the ones I loved so dearly,
and have to live with it.
I am so sorry,
words cannot cover the amount of pain I have caused you.
My pain is deserved,
but yours was not.
I was selfish and ugly.
I know that now.
It doesn’t matter why,
I had caused it and I am living with the guilt,
the sorrow of hurting you,
In any hopes that this will reach you,
I will always love you.
.. “you are in my blood.”